Peace in the Wake...

Today is my birthday.  It's been a month now since the birth of my little angel, Evangeline.  In another month is when Evangeline was actually due.  I would have liked to update sooner but life doesn't have the courtesy to slow down- which I guess is a good and bad thing.  Bad because I would like a little more time to myself to reflect and pray and just be in the presence of God after such a traumatic and life changing event.  Good because being back in the throws of life has kept me busy and not allowed me to be down.  All in all, I am at peace.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

I finished "Heaven is For Real" and little Colton Burpo's account of heaven has helped my heart in the healing process by such a simple assurance that heaven is in fact for real!  It really is a beautiful thing to know that Evangeline is in a more beautiful place than we can even fathom now with God (sidenote: I love the name in the Bible used for God as Abba- translated "daddy"), and Jesus, and gosh my Pop-pop and Grand-dad and who knows who else!!  I pray at night for God to kiss my baby girl, and I know that he does.  I totally recommend that book.  It's a quick and easy read.  Short chapters- which I like because I don't have much reading time and short chapters makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere.  The book has revitalized my prayer life and my view of God even!

We have been so taken care of and so blessed through everything!  The night we came home from the hospital, empty handed and heavy hearted we walked into a clean house, a fridge stocked and a hot meal waiting for us on the counter.  That isn't light work...  I should preface that with the fact that John was on TDY and I tend to let house chores slide a little while he's gone, so that and feeling terribly uncomfortable the morning my water broke adds up to a pretty messy house.  We didn't have to worry about meals for a while with so many people bringing us food, enough for our family plus all the family and friends we had visiting!  We have felt wrapped in the arms of grace and we continue to be so blessed by the prayers of intercession.  We are touched by everyone who has donated to SOFT and by our squadron's 31 bags event which donated $700 to Trisomy18 Foundation.  This is so dear to our hearts and it means so much to us that people would make it dear to theirs too.  John and I have been brought together through this experience and are more passionately in love today than ever!  Everything that has gotten us to this point are things that I worried about.  And the love and compassion that we've been shown is just a beautiful testament to God and His perfect plan.  I believe that He's been preparing me for a long time to carry Evangeline.  Even back to my college days, I recall a friend of mine describing me as "boggled."  He said that to him it meant that I could have all my money stolen and gotten beaten up and still keep a smile on my face.  God built me so that this would not break me.   I was never a "kid" person but once Riley arrived God gave me an intense love for the precious life that He had given me.  He knew that I wouldn't abort Evangeline, that I'd love her and give her every chance.  Even with my scare during my pregnancy with Scarlett, when my 20 week ultrasound revealed some Choroid Plexus cysts and the doctor first informed me of Trisomy 18- that was God's provision to open my eyes to something I had never heard of before and learn about it well ahead of the time that I would need the information.  God has given me friends with resources that are invaluable- some having mutual friends who have had Trisomy babies and provide mutual support and encouragement, another with a job that deals with handling my other two kids and how to talk to them about Evangeline, etc.  God really is good.  Had it not been for Evangeline and the heart-ache and vulnerabilty I had to (and continue to) face, I would not have felt all the overwhelming love and support poured out for us and the deeper relationship I've gained with my Lord and Savior!

I added a couple of songs to my playlist.  There were a couple of songs that I couldn't add so I'll leave you with the lyrics to this song:

Strong Enough- Matthew West

You must  
You must think I'm strong  
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do  
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up I'm not stong enough  
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be  
Strong enough  
Strong enough For the both of us

Well, maybe  
Maybe that's the point  
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom  
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

Cause I'm broken Down to nothing  
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and you are strong When I am weak
I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be Strong enough